Sonic's Genesis Adventure
by ShootingRistar360
Summary: A parody-like story about Sonic the Hedgehog 1 on the SEGA Genesis. Will a crazy blue speedster or overweight genius win in the battle for Mobius?
1. Introduction

_CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION_

So, here we are. Sonic the Hedgehog. What begins a chaotic battle on an alien planet for a couple of shiny magic rocks?

It is a beautiful day at the lush, sunny Green Hill Zone. In this Green Hill Zone is a hole in the ground. And in this hole is a tiny home for a team of freaky walking and talking animals. Yes, this is the famed Knothole Village. Inhabited by none other than Sonic the Hedgehog. Put that pitch-fork away. I'll get to the point soon enough.

Sonic and his best friend, Doctor Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik, were in the corner of Knothole playing their favourite videogame, Halo: Combat Evolved. Robotnik defeated Sonic in Capture the Flag for about the ten-billionth time.

"YAARGH!" Sonic screamed furiously. "How could you possibly defeat me so many times?! Have I any reason to live if I can't beat a lard-ball at a videogame?!" Robotnik just stared.

"You're a demon, Robotnik! A freaking demon! I hate you with all my little blue might! Eat this, tub!" Sonic chucked his Xbox controller in Robotnik's stunned, moustached face.

"Ow! Sheesh! What a sore loser! I don't need you!"

"Hah! If you didn't have me, you'd still be in the Mushroom Kingdom fixing up Mario and Luigi's plumbing schedules! Ungrateful jerk!"

"You have a point, Sonic, but that doesn't mean you're better than me!"

"What're you gettin' at, foo?!"

"Drop the Mr. T thing and I'll tell you."

"Sorry, Sonic, it's for the best…" Sonic sadly whispered to himself.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing…Anyway, what's this big idea of yours, Robotnik?"

"Well, you versus me. A test to see who's top dog. One of us becomes a mad scientist bent on world domination, one of us becomes an incredible super-hero!" Sonic stared at Robotnik's out-of-shape-ness. Robotnik watched Sonic drool. Robotnik spoke up.

"Okay, we can easily see who gets which role. Okay, Sonic. From this moment on, we are mortal enemies."

"This moment on?! I stopped liking you almost a minute ago when you beat me at Halo!"

"Right, anyway, we need to figure out how to do this test. I have it! Follow me, Sonic! I know just the way to get this battle started!"

And so, Sonic and Robotnik left Knothole in search of the magical Chaos Emeralds so that Robotnik could steal them as an evil plan.


	2. Return to Knothole

_CHAPTER 2: RETURN TO KNOTHOLE_

After a long journey across Mobius, Sonic and Robotnik returned to Knothole with the seven Chaos Emeralds. They snuck back to Sonic's house, careful that no villagers spotted them. If that were to happen, it would ruin their plan. Sonic went inside his house as Robotnik stayed outside, holding the Chaos Emeralds.

"Attention, villagers! Turn your attention to me!"

"Uh…Why?" some skinny squirrel asked.

"You mentally retarded furries, look at me!" That got their attention. All the villagers immediately began watching Robotnik.

"Listen to blue-boy in there," Robotnik said, putting the plan into action.

"AAAH! Oh, my! Robotnik has damaged my body! I am in such tremendous pain! Ow! I should not have trusted someone as brilliantly evil as the brilliantly evil Dr. Robotnik with the mystical Chaos Emeralds!" Sonic called from inside of his house with terrible acting and wording.

"Yes! Sonic is right! You shall all flee from me in terror now that the Chaos Emeralds lie in my possession!" The villagers still stared at him.

"That means now, you know." The citizens of Knothole left their homes in search of safety. Miles away from "someone as brilliantly evil as Dr. Robotnik".

Robotnik ran away to the Scrap Brain Zone to construct a secret base. There he created devastating machines, weapons, and badniks with which he would try to terrorize the world. But he terribly regretted the creation of the duo of dimwitted badniks- Scratch and Grounder. Meanwhile, Sonic was at Green Hill Zone saying that he would defend the populace from the vile scientist. Things were shaping up and Sonic's quest was now beginning.


	3. Sonic's Genesis Adventure

_CHAPTER 3: SONIC'S GENESIS ADVENTURE_

Sonic created a massive blue blur as he zoomed around the trees, over the hills, and underneath the random floating platforms that mysteriously defy the laws of gravity. As he sped along, he stopped at a large spike pit. Sonic confidently backed away to get a good running start. He dashed forward and jumped.

"Yes! Oh, yes! I'm doing it! I'm gonna make it! Ha ha ha!" Suddenly Sonic's phone rang. This broke his good jump and he hurtled into the deadly spikes.

"AAAAAHHH!" Despite Sonic's awful pain, he grabbed his cell.

"…Hello?..."

"Hello, my dear old friend! I just wanted you to know that my badnik base is complete and I'm trapping all the animals and forcing them to commandeer my badniks for their lives! They're destroying all the land right now! They should be at Green Hill Zone any minute now! Good luck! MUHAHAHAH!"

"Uuuh…Yeah…Good timing." Sonic stuffed his cell away and painfully dragged himself to land. He spotted a small rabbit named Yo-Yo.

"Hey, you're Yo-Yo, right? Well, get away from me! Your name sucks!"

"Sonic, please, help! My house at the Marble Zone has been destroyed and I have no where to go! Please help me get my home back!"

"Can't you see I have my own problems right now?!" Sonic had a battered, scarred body after his "little accident". Yo-Yo said nothing.

"Yeah, that's what I though Yolk-Bo!" He kicked Yo-Yo into the spike pit and hurried off. A large bridge was just up ahead. It was above a tiny pond that was seemingly empty. Sonic casually walked along the bridge, oblivious to the danger of fish badniks in the water. A fish badnik leapt up from the water and clung to Sonic with its teeth. Sonic screamed and tried to shake it off. He wobbled and staggered and fell off the bridge and into the water with an ear-shattering SPLASH! Sonic waved around madly.

"BLUB. ACK! Crap, I can't swim! BLIB. EEK! Crap, I can't breathe either!" Just then, ten more water badniks lunged toward him and began chomping down on him. Things were off to a wonderful start. Hours later, Sonic continued along a path to find a tiny mouse called B. Onus. What an awful name.

"Greetings, Mr. Hedgehog. My name is B. Onus. Robotnik has closed up this Bonus Stage and only the power of fifty golden rings can unlock it."

"I do have the rings, but why would I want to go to a bonus stage?"

"Robotnik has hidden the emeralds there."

"Sweet! I'm up to it."

"Have caution, Sonic. These places make you feel like you' been drugged."

"Hah! No problem! I've experienced the real deal before!"

"…"

Sonic gave up his rings and a magical portal opened up in the form of a gigantic glowing ring. Sonic jumped through and was instantly teleported to a Bonus Stage. Sonic appeared floating in the middle of an enormous, rotating room. Sonic looked down.

"AAAAAAAAA-OUCH! OW!" He shot downwards and landed on a certain delicate spot. The room spun around once more. Sonic landed on his head. The room continued randomly rotating until Sonic was able to jump his way to the Chaos Emerald.

"W00T! Who's got 1337 bonus skills? I do! ME! Yeah! 1337!" Sonic warped back to the Green Hill Zone and spun the finish sign.


	4. The Second Act

_CHAPTER 4: THE SECOND ACT_

Sonic shuffled a few steps ahead to suddenly find himself in Act 2 of the Green Hill Zone. He looked up into a palm tree up ahead. A badnik monkey climbed down into view.

"Aaaaaw! Hey there, little guy! Are you stuck in there? I'll help you!" Sonic began climbing towards the badnik and prepared to grab it. Just then it tossed a coconut bomb in his face. Sonic fell to the ground, his leg twitching for a moment. He pulled himself to his feet and put his mirror in front of his face.

"Good…No muscles." He threw his mirror behind his back and stared at the little badnik monkey.

"What was that for?! I was going to save you! What's that? You're a monkey, so you don't need help getting out of a tree? Oh." The badnik then dropped from the tree and landed in front of Sonic. It began threatening him with Kung-Fu poses.

"Oh, I know where this is going! Bring it on, tiny! HIYA-HIYA! WA-WA-WA! EEYYYA! HEIT! KEEYA!" Sonic began doing his own crappy Kung-Fu poses in an effort to scare the monkey that wasn't really working. The monkey ran up to Sonic, stretched his nose, let go, and SNAP!

"Ow! My face!" The little badnik booted poor Sonic's crotch.

"Ow! My soda can!" The little twit lifted Sonic and tossed him into another pond.

"AAH! Stupid fish! Get off! EEEE! OOH! ACTCH! Stop! BLUBBLUBPOOIE! Ow!"

Hours later (AGAIN), Sonic was back on the trail. His path blocked, he was forced to confront the giant bug badnik, Caterkiller.

"So, you're the pesky rodent that Dr. Robotnik told me about?"

"How should I know?!"

"Uuuuh…Never mind. Now, we fight!" Caterkiller snatched a tree with his tail and tossed it straight at Sonic. He was squashed under the tree and unable to move. Some baby bird from Knothole came along, sighed at Sonic, and easily clobbered Caterkiller. He lifted the tree off Sonic and walked away. Sonic woozily got up.

"Hah! I did it! I'm Awesome!" Sonic fell unconscious.


End file.
